JELLYBRAIN TOP TIP #2
Don't even try to spell license: liscense... lisence... it changes every time you see it.
JELLYBRAIN TOP TIP #4
Thin turds, frozen onto a lolly stick make ideal treats for kids knocking on your door on 'Trick or Treat' night.
(For added pleasure, shout "Ha Ha! the trick's on you!" as they make their way down the street).
JELLYBRAIN TOP TIP #6
Peel off the labels from your tins of food to make Tea Time a lot more of an adventure as you have to guess what you are going to eat... Unless of course you shop at Aldi, in which case you have to do that already!
JELLYBRAIN TOP TIP #8
Never put your feet up on the settee after standing in dog-dirt. You can only turn the cushions over the once...
JELLYBRAIN TOP TIP #10
Don't waste money buying bin liners, simply go into a Charity Shop and tell them you have some stuff to donate and they give you sacks free. Sometimes the gullible fools even put them through your letter box!
JELLYBRAIN TOP TIP #12
Don't lick your finger if you think it went through the toilet paper whilst wiping your bottom. Smelling it will be enough to find out...
JELLYBRAIN TOP TIP #14
Never stand next to that man in the public urinal who pulls his pants and trousers right down to have a piss.
JELLYBRAIN TOP TIP #16
Don't buy your food from poncy, continental-style eateries if you don't know the difference between the words Bagel and Beagle.